But he isn’t pretty enough and he is much too selfish for me.
Why must this all be so…complicated? I want to age so I may fit my mind. So I may have the privileges to do as my mind desires?
- miss. everything. nathan. depressed.
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Because…
It always comes back to him, I guess… He’s always in the back of my mind, and part of me is always missing him. There were points where I thought “Ah, this is nice. I haven’t thought about Nathan that much. I think I am starting to finally get over him.” And then it just slowly comes back. I miss him constantly, even if its at different intervals.
I want to share everything with him and I want to talk to him everyday. Just about small things. I want to protect him and I feel better when I know I have made him smile or if I have amused him.
I’ve felt alone. I held back tears as I walked to the car, on the ride home from DaishoCon, but not now. I miss Master and I miss Tim. I miss feeling like I might belong somewhere. Being alone in my room, which seem so silent and, for once, big, is saddening. Wonderful memories were made, as they always are, but I can not help but ache from knowing they are so far away now. And that I am a single person once again; no group, no one to joke with. No random hugs. No cute voices. No boy-with-blue-hair.
Just me in this black box with two bright screens flickering.
Alone.
![Nathan, even though we’ve only been apart for a few minutes… I miss you. In every way possible. I hope one day you love me back… ‘cause my heart is yours… completely yours. Can you comprehend that? How much that means of me?
Only Lovely knows how much I changed when I met you, when I fell for you, when I gave everything.
I’ll continue to smile though. You produce the truest of smiles from me. You’re laugh, your smile, your jokes, everything; they’re all worth this.
[Last photo: the morning after you broke up with me — I didn’t think I’d be able to get up.]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltl9o5qbNc1qgq99vo1_500.jpg)
