But he isn’t pretty enough and he is much too selfish for me.
Why must this all be so…complicated? I want to age so I may fit my mind. So I may have the privileges to do as my mind desires?
It always comes back to him, I guess… He’s always in the back of my mind, and part of me is always missing him. There were points where I thought “Ah, this is nice. I haven’t thought about Nathan that much. I think I am starting to finally get over him.” And then it just slowly comes back. I miss him constantly, even if its at different intervals.
I want to share everything with him and I want to talk to him everyday. Just about small things. I want to protect him and I feel better when I know I have made him smile or if I have amused him.
I’ve felt alone. I held back tears as I walked to the car, on the ride home from DaishoCon, but not now. I miss Master and I miss Tim. I miss feeling like I might belong somewhere. Being alone in my room, which seem so silent and, for once, big, is saddening. Wonderful memories were made, as they always are, but I can not help but ache from knowing they are so far away now. And that I am a single person once again; no group, no one to joke with. No random hugs. No cute voices. No boy-with-blue-hair.
Just me in this black box with two bright screens flickering.